Max Miser is a sad little pumpkin. He had no friends. This might be due to the fact that he was a small, deformed pumpkin with two huge eye-like cysts, and patches of blue fungi spread over the bottom. Needless to say, Max is also atrociously ugly. He was so ugly, in fact, that no human child dared to pick it up, and thus during the annual Pumpkin Patch Pickin', Max was wholly ignored. By the start of the last week of October, Max was all alone; all of his brothers and sisters have found nice, beautiful children to go home with. Max wanted nothing more than to join them and be loved and cherished by children.
While sitting on the ground during the last nights of a particularly wet October night, Max began to weep. "Oh! Life is so unfair! I was born to be ugly and miserable. Why am I cursed with this brilliance and intelligence? Is it so that I can suffer? I just know that I can be a good pumpkin." Max cried himself to sleep that night.
The Old Farmer overheard Max's cries amidst all the rain. He was moved by the tiny orange-blue mess's plea and quickly thought up a plan. Since Halloween was just nights away, and Max was such a poorly-formed pumpkin, the farmer has given up selling the pumpkin. The wise old farmer instead decided to give Max Miser away to a poor lonely street urchin who would understand the feelings of absolute shame and hurt.
So, in the middle of the night, the Old Farmer, wearing his trench coat, thick gloves, and heavy leather boots, wrapped young Max Miser into a brown satchel. The ugliest little pumpkin was still asleep. The Old Farmer got in his reliable brown truck and drove into the city. Wanting to surprise the ugliest and most unfortunate children he could find, he went into t he deepest, darkest alleyway. He did this all for Max.
For hours and hours, he searched. Each child he came across was more disgusting and more deserving of the pumpkin than the last. They had boils and leprosy, cancer and aids, and everything else imaginable. Several of the boys and girls had been raped too, recently. They were just absolutely filthy and disgusting. The Old Farmer's heart broke at the pain and suffering for all of these children. He had to do something for these poor kids. Society has shunned them and ignored them. The Old Farmer can ignore them no more.
Max, hearing the suppressed weeping of the Old Farmer, woke up and said "Old, generous and kind Farmer, are you going to give me away to these children?"
The Old Farmer nodded. Max, still in the satchel, understood his feeling immediately. "Yes, Max, I'll take care of all of them. They can come live with me at the farm."
Max started to think aloud. "Old Farmer, you have no children of your own. When I am gone, what will you do?"
The Old Farmer was touched by this sentiment, and said "Oh Max, you're so thoughtful. Life just isn't fair for you. I'll do everything in my power to make you feel happy." With that, the Old Farmer said hush to the satchel. "Go sleep now, young Max." The Old Farmer swung the satchel back and forth in a gentle motion, putting Max into sleep.
It is now time for the Old Farmer to go and give up his son-like pumpkin to these unfortunate children, so that they would all find joy and happiness at least for a while. He went up to a particularly sickly-looking Asian boy, and woke him up with his hands.
"Hello child," said the Old Farmer. "My name is Max, and I have a present for you to cherish and love."
The Asian boy screamed in absolute terror. He was trying to claw his way out of the Old Farmer's grip.
The Old Farmer was alarmed at his reaction. He quickly takes out Max from the satchel to show it to the boy.
The boy screamed yet again "Its you! Its you! Please, not me. Not me!"
Old Farmer Max is, at first, confused. What is happening? He doesn't know. The Old Farmer then felt intense anger. Anger so refined that he ached to bash the skull of some deserving fellow. Why is this happening? Was it society? Yes, Society has wronged them all. Society has punished the innocent and driven degenerates, greedy, and morally corrupt to the top, leaving perfectly normal beasts like himself, his pumpkin Max, and the boy into dire circumstances like this. The Old Farmer paused, and soon he felt nothing. "I think you need to come with me. Society has shafted you over and over again. I'll take good care of you, son. Both Max and I."
"Help! Help me! Call the cops!" The boy's desperate cries for help only resulted in shadows scurrying in the background, running from the scene. It was difficult for the Old Farmer to see what was happening through the thick rain.
"What are you doing? I'm trying to save your life. Just come with me. I'll take away all of your pains! All of your worries! Just come with me and you'll see!"
The Asian boy, with his tears masked by the heavy rain, looked directly into the eyes of the Old Farmer. "Don't you understand? You're taking away our choice by interfering. I don't want to die."
The Old Farmer started to understand the fear of the boy. This boy was simply ignorant, taught and molded by society to worship Satan. If only Max was awake, he'd laugh at the ridiculous idea. "No, I won't kill you. You'll have to sleep now though." He pressed his glove onto the Asian boy's mouth. There was much struggling, but the screams came out muffled. The Old Farmer put the boy at the back of the truck.
Awaken by the movement, Max woke up and yawned. "Old, generous, kind and wise Farmer, what is happening here? What is your plan?"
The Old Farmer smiled at his adorable pumpkin. "Society has warped and destroyed this child's mind. I'm trying to save his soul. It will take much work, but I can do it."
"But what about me, O Old generous, kind, wise and courageous Farmer? What should I do from now on?
The Old Farmer stoked the head of Max, and the head of the little boy. His hands lingered on his fine hair. "I haven't forgotten about you, Max."
Just as the Old Farmer was getting into the truck, two bright lights blinded him. "What's happening?"
Get out of the vehicle with your hands up.
The Old Farmer knew it was the police. They were simply the corrupt extension of society. Now they're going to kill him, take the child's life away, and finish off max. Knowing all of this, Max stepped away.
Alright, now step away from the vehicle. Further. Good.
"Get the child now!"
Now, turn around and we'll explain everything to you. That's the best possible outcome for you now.
"You can kill me, but spare the child's life. Spare Max's life."
Who's Max?
"Who's Max?"
"Did you see another child?"
"In of the car? No!"
Tell us where Max is and we'll take care of him.
The Old Farmer knew the end was coming soon. "I'll show you where Max is. He is in the car. Don't hurt him." He slowly walked towards his truck.
No, Max, don't do that. Step away.
The Old Farmer continued his path, and soon he was inside. He held onto Max with both of his hands, and quickly turned.
The natural reflex when you see something hideous and dangerous is to shoot it, and that's what four of the six police officers did when they saw the pumpkin. It had a large blue growth on the bottom. Starlight Fungus, it causes hallucinations.
"Fuck, now there'll be a formal inquiry into the whole matter."
"Don't worry, I'll take care of the problem. We accidentally shoot people all the time. This guy doesn't even have a family, and besides, he was heavily drugged. Starlight Fungus can lead to delusions and even fatality."
"What do we do with this Pumpkin?"
"I don't even want to touch it. Just deal with it."
And so they dealt with it. The other five officers took a sample of the blue growth for evidence, and left the rest of it rot in the rain. Later, all the desolate children huddled around and made a feast from the leftovers. Soon, they all became ill and died, all except for that one Asian boy who overheard the whole conversation. What was this boy's name? Terrence. With all of the street children and hobos and the like gone, Terrence was quickly able to find the perfect fit, a nice Asian family who wanted to adopt him. For Terrence's first Halloween, they completely gutted several pumpkins, and threw the insides away in the trash. Max Miser would have loved it.
The End.
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